Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Expanse and Fear

I am often struck by how big things are.

The universe is so vast and full of so many things we have no clue about it drives me insane.

Anything can happen at Any time.

I often find myself thinking about these ideas in detail, obsessing on concepts I have no business dealing in. One of these things is death. I think about mine just about every day. I could wake up to find I have Cancer, or get shot (By accident or on Purpose?) by some psycho with an AK-47. I could have a heart attack or get run over by a bus.

The Outlook is Bleak.

I find my thoughts sometimes dwell on Global Catastrophes, Famine, Unrest, War. So very many ways to die it would be impossible to list them all. I find myself surprised that we even exist as a species, what with all our own flaws, blatant stupidity, Super Novas and Rogue Asteroids.

I'm honestly scared.

This behavior is very Unhealthy and I realize it's bad for me, but how do you stop the way you think? Short of taking psycho-actives I can find no real method of changing how my brain functions.

Oddly related to all of this "feeling small in an uncaring universe", I am often dwelling on the expanse of Forgetfulness.

So much has been lost to the ravages of limited consciousness. Histories, thoughts, skills and knowledge both incidental and useful. Memories that could prepare us for the future or save us from the past. The ways of living, perhaps peacefully, from cultures extinct for thousands, if not, billions (what?) of years.

How often do you find that your own ideas or projects don't really ever come to fruition? How often do have a cool idea only to forget it? How many people have died that will never be remembered?

I don't think I'm afraid of dying though.

I'm afraid of forgetting.

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